Sometimes I Still Hold My Breath
Random Thoughts from a Mother whose Son, only Child, was Murdered
The Empowerment Doctor
According to recent statistics, 83% of American’s will be victims of a violent crime, either
attempted or completed. While the statistics themselves are alarming, the Bureau of Justice
Statistics reports the overall violent crime rate fell 74% between 1993 and 2019, while the
property crime rate fell 71%. This should give us a glimmer of hope. But sometimes I find
myself still holding my breath.
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/11/20/facts-about-crime-in-the-u-s/
Sometimes justice can be found in the criminal justice system and sometimes it cannot. And even if justice is done through the criminal justice system this still is not enough to allow us to heal. Healing is a spiritual process and because it is a spiritual process, this next step is often overlooked.
My son was murdered. He was shot 11 times by a gunman he never saw. There has not been justice by way of the criminal justice system; but even if it had been there was still some healing I needed to do. Spiritual healing must be done in order to move forward - no matter the injury, no matter the severity, and no matter the criminal justice system outcome. There’s nothing that will cause the harm to be undone, nothing that will help you to un-see it or un-experience it. That is a job for the Universal presence, the Divine Presence. It’s your Superhero on call.
Summoning the help of the Divine Presence is easy. Just like Superheroes, It is waiting for us
to ask for help.
If any experience is keeping you from living life from a place of joy, the experience is destroying you and dimming your light.
Getting started is hard. But do not underestimate the power of small steps,
There are many ways to summon the help of the Divine Power. Below are some techniques that have worked well for me. These processes have helped me to continue to heal, to embrace my heartache and live the life I was created to live in my earthly experience.
Give them a try.
Write it out or the Journal Diary Chronicles: Just a fancy title to say start a journal.
On a blank sheet of paper and write about all the emotions and feelings and thoughts that you have. Be brutally honest. No hiding. No pretending. Just you and your naked soul (an album by Terisa Griffin) sitting with your pain. I usually write in the morning, however, I have tried writing various times of the day and have found them all to be beneficial. So choose the time of day that works for you. Set-aside 20 minutes daily. This will give your emotions a safe place to reveal themselves. Allow your mind to freely communicate with you. Write down your thoughts without judgement. This is a perfect escape route out of your soul and onto the paper so that healing can occur.
The motions, now having a safe place to unfold, will reveal not only how you feel about this incident, but all the hurts and resentments will also be given a route to leave. The escape route out of your soul onto that paper will allow you to heal.
Mirror Work:
In my work, I’ve learned that most people are running around with some version of unworthiness even before they’re a victim of any crime or related to someone who is a victim of a crime. We are affected both directly and indirectly when someone we know has been a victim of a crime. Mirror work forces you to stand in the mirror and tell yourself, no matter the experience, “I am beautiful, powerful, and creative and I love myself”. Every time you see a mirror, look into the mirror and simply say “I love you, (your name).” Do this as many times a day as possible. I also recommend carrying a mirror compact in your purse or pocket so that you can pull it out and remind yourself that you love yourself.
Burning Bowl Ceremony
Often we believe we could have done something else or something different to stop or prevent the event. The night my son was shot, I had a strange feeling. When I received the news, I rushed to the hospital. While in the hospital waiting for him to come out of surgery, I thought I could have prevented him from being shot, which subsequently ended his life, by acting on my intuition. It took time to realize that there was nothing I could have done. This night, my intuition was not very specific. In the past, if my Intuition required my action, It was very specific. This had not been the case, but this didn’t prevent me from further victimizing myself.
To clear this, I did a Burning Bowl Ceremony. I have always found comfort and healing in fire. Below are instructions for you to try yourself.
Write on a sheet of paper, not a very big sheet, any emotions or feelings associated with the event(s). This paper is a place where those feelings, emotions, and thoughts can be healed. Take the paper and a few matches, go to a safe place and set that paper on FIRE. Know that now you have released these emotions to the Divine Presence for healing. There is something incredibly powerful about the Burning Bowl ceremony. If the emotions/thoughts resurface, remember the ceremony. Remind yourself you have dismissed them. If this fails, have another Burning Bowl ceremony.
Memory Board:
Memory boards provide a tangible reminder of the good memories, the memories you want to cherish for the rest of your life. Choose pictures that remind you of your loved one and the wonderful experiences you want to remember. Grief experts agree that individuals who keep the memory of their loved ones alive usually heal emotionally faster than those who do not.
Use photos or paraphernalia that remind you of your loved one. Choose any containers you like, but most use photo albums, boxes, scrapbooks, or memory jars.
You decide.
Grief experts agree that taking steps to appropriately remember loved ones is actually
essential for healing. Individuals who keep the memory of loved ones alive almost always
fare better emotionally than those who don’t.
J. William Worden’s “Tasks of Mourning", states that the living must find an appropriate,
ongoing connection in their emotional lives with the person who has died while allowing them
to continue living.
It is my sincere desire that these ideas are helpful. Your loved one is cheering you on.
In the words of Helen Reddy ...
And when one of us is gone,
And one of us is left to carry on,
Then remembering will have to do,
Our memories alone will get us through
Think about the days of me and you,
Of you and me against the world.
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